


Dear Dinah

by LittleRedCaboose



Category: Starlight Express - Phillips/Stilgoe/Webber
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-07-06 01:19:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15875550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleRedCaboose/pseuds/LittleRedCaboose
Summary: Caboose likes Dinah. Everybody knows this. Also everyone knows that Dinah has those feelings too. Just not for him. And even though the motives for certain actions in the downhill finale are no secret, the dining car still believes that they are just friends. What she doesn´t know is how much she is hurting him.





	1. the things I always wanted to tell you

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic so I´m already really sorry. Also english isn´t my first Language and the laptop I´m currently writting on is kinda broken so yah... Now I really hope you have fun while reading :3

He had enough. He definitey had enough. Enough of what you may ask? For the fifth Time this week Dinah sat in his living Room, crying. While he cooked Tea the break van tried to calm her down, hugged her and let her cry about Greaseball till there were no Tears left. He tried to tell her that she deserved so much better than an Asshole like Greaseball. And for the fifth time this week the naiv dining car let him hug her, cried her eys out and gave herself fault that the narcissitic Diesel cheated again. Just to leave his Depot to go back to the Liar in the eveing to be cheated on again. How coud he even be that popular after losing the championship. Oh yeah, because the Asshole looked good and everyone knew that it wasn´t his fault.

Caboose was sick of laying in bed, wishing he wouldn´t have done what he did. wishing Ashley still would talk to him or the other Freight Trains. He was sick of Dinah being so blue eyed while everyone else knew about his feelings and that she didn´t feel the same. He didn´t want to see Dinah flirting with the wannabe Elvis, while he was standing only a couüle of feet away feeling like he had to throw up everytime he kissed her cheek or vice versa. Or scream at them to get a Room or something. The amount of PDA was ridiculous and digusting. It sickened him to see the Diesel looking after one of the other coaches while Dinah was telling him a story. Her Eyes sparkling,grinning from one heavily blushing Cheek to the other. She was always so happy to be around him that she completely ignored the secret looking at other coaches cleavage. Ignored how he soetimes licked his Lips when a pretty girl rolled by.

And he hated Greaseball. Cb hated him with a burning passion. For Being too starlight damn stupid to see how great Dinah was and that she really loved him. Or knowing and not caring. For every time he´d brag about a new one Night Stand to his stupid gang. But he couldn´t hate Dinah. As much as he wanted to do so sometimes and as easy everything would´ve been then.

Not for her decisions and he knew he wasn´t allowed to hate her for his actions that followed them. So he got up in the middle of the Night sat down in the kitchen and finally got everything out of his system. The Letter that originated from that was packed away neatly and layed down infront of Dinahs and Greaseballs shared Depot. newing he wouldn´t care and she would have a free day so she woud find it when it was already too late. When he got back to his own Depot loud insane laugh could be heard in the Freightyard. but this Time it sounded different. Somehow hollow. He knew he wasn´t needed nor wanted anymore so everything would be fine. or would it?


	2. What I wanted to do

Caboose´s pov:

Only a couple of sleepless hours later everyone gathered at the station to say there good bye, including me hiding in a safe distance. Turnov and Ruhrgold already made their way home together the Day before, but they were as uninterresting as Hashamoto and Bobo, who just bid their farewell to Volta and Buffy. My "target" was Espresso. While the other two already left and their new found acquaintances got back to their normal schedule, Ashley and her Lover were left basically alone. Still passionately kissing, not wanting to let go of each other they finally said good bye too and Ashley drove away with slightly wet eyes while Espresso waited till she was out of sight I steadily became more and more impatient.

Then finally he started his way towards home too. Following him as quiet as I could I caught up to him and coupled on to him without him having the faintest Idea. My aim in sight I let myself be dragged along with the Italian who obviously wanted to get home as fast as possible, judging from the speed steadily picking up after we left the big Cities behind. Adding on to that he seemed to be lost so deep in his thoughts so I could start pushing and fast tracking him, still without him noticing. Better for me, I thought and enjoyed the Wind howling in my Ears and the slight happiness I always felt before every crash.

The perfect moment wasn´t even too far away. On an old bridge that looked high enough to cause good damage so I surprised him and threw the both of us over the railing. Everything was like always. The Rome-Milan infront of me derailed with a heavy jolt, not letting go of him as I fell, laughing a high pitched crazy laugh to drown his cussing out. I couldn´t stop laughing. It just felt so good, so I laughed and laughed and laughed until we hit the Ground and every little bit of oxygen was sqqezed out of my Lungs. Unable to ignore the Pain even indulged in it till everything around me went black. before closing my eyes I only regretted not being able to turn around to see The big Engine that landed not too far away from me. He probably was down the drain, but even if he wasn´t what could he do against me. I wasn´t as big and strong as the Italian and if I was lucky they wouldn´t even find me until it was too late.

 

Dinahs pov:

When I got back to the Depot Greaseball was gone. He didn´t accompany us when we bid our farewell to the internationals this morning. saying something about partnering up with the enemy and that he´d rather sleep a couple more minutes before work. then he complained about the Girls, who he´d have to drive around later, cause Pearl would surely talk about Rusty non-stop while Ash and Buffy Cried about Bobo and espress cried about their loves leaving them here. But when I oppened the Door I instantly got a really bad feeling in my Guts. I couldn´t tell why or anything, it was just there. Deciding it had to come from the messy state of the Depot I directly started cleaning.

Till everything was cleaned up and the clothes were hanging outside to dry the day was already nearly. I just sat down in the kitchen when I heard a faint knock on the Door. Thinking Greaseball was already back and wanted to get some more rest I quick oppened, but insted of the tall Diesel there stood a worn out Ashley. "Hey" I greeted her." I just cooked some Tea. You wanna come in sweetie? You loo so tired, what happened?"  
"Dinah? W-we need to talk."a  
"Sure. Come in. What is it?"  
Once we were inside and on the couch the Girl beside me fumbled with the lighter for one of her beloved cigarettes then after taking a few puffs she finally started talking.


	3. And now?

„The Trax just came by with News... They said that someone found Espresso and that red bastard of a brake van somewhere out there on the ground under a fucking Bridge...“  
„Oh my.... Are they... alive? How are they? Do you now anything?“  
„Wrench is stil trying to safe them so Krupp didn´t let me through, but if you ask me Caboose can perish.“, Tears of anger and distress started to form in her eyes. „I´m just so glad they didn´t already left too.“  
„.... But why? Why did he do that? He had no reason to just crash Espresso.....“  
„So it would´ve been okay if he had a reason?!“  
„No... But Ash... I just wanna know why. He always was so nice, but since the Races... How did he change so much in such a short time? You used to talk to him... Did he say anything conspicous?“  
„Yes I did and he said nothing. At least nothing I´m allowed to tell you if I don´t want to be the next one to be crashed in case he survives this...“  
„What did he say Ashley?“  
„Like I told you, I am not allowed to tell you. I may hate this Bitch with a burning Passion, but this is something he has to confess himself.“  
„Ashleyyyy“, I cried out.  
„Did you never wonder why he was always there for you? Or did you ever notice how he looked at you all the Time and crashed Greaseball right after he treated you like shit for like the hundreth time?“  
„Yeah but he was just being a good Friend... wasn´t he?“  
„Oh Dinah....“  
„What?“  
„Doesn´t matter... You wanna come with me? I wanna go look what Wrench was able to do.“  
„Yeah...“

„Oh, good it´s you“, Wrench greated us as soon as we arrived. „Espresso just woke up, give him a couple of minutes and you can go see him. But Dinah.... Caboose was a close one. In all the Years I´ve been doing this I never had a case this bad and everything says that the crash was his fault. When you go in there please don´t bombard him with questions he still needs to rest and the Trax and Control will do that soon enough.“  
„Okay. Thank you for helping them.“  
„Just doing my Job.“, then she looked down to continue doing her Paperwork.

Rolling down the long Hallway a lump started to form in my throat and all the questions started to circle faster and faster. Why did he do that? Why? But when I stood infront of the Door to his room they stopped and my Head felt just empty and my Body kinda numb. Knocking quietly I let myself in, to see Caboose still asleep, with heavy bruises showing all over his Face and Shoulders.  
„Caboose?“, I wispered. „Are you awake?“  
"Dinah?"


	4. other problems

„Dinah?“, his voice was still hoarse.  
„Yeah it´s me... How are you?“  
„I´m okay.“, Cb tried to sit up but I pushed him back down softly. Pain was clearly showing on his Face.  
„Please don´t lie to me. I may be blonde, but I can see you are obviously hurt.“  
„I´m sorry Dinah.“  
„Why? You are okay so it´s fine... isn´t it?“  
He looked away from me and out of the Window. „No. Not really.“  
„What?“  
„Can I ask you a question?“  
„Sure. Ask away.“, now I was gettging confused.  
„Why don´t you hate me. Like all the others do, yet you...``  
„I.... I.... What?“, I was dumbfounded for a moment. „Because we are Friends of course and Friends are always there for each other, aren´t they?“  
„I nearly killed your Boyfriend“  
„I´m pretty sure you didn´t want to seriously hurt him... Didn´t you?“  
„Sure... And Espresso?“  
„That´s what I´m still trying to understand, but I´m sure you didn´t really wanna kill him too.“  
The Air in the Room suddenly became really thick.  
„I shoud let you rest now, after all it was a pretty hard crash.“, I already was at the Door when he spoke up again.  
„Thank you for looking after me...“  
„ No problem, that´s what Friends are for.“  
„Yeah. Friends.“, he sighed heavily.

As soon as I entered the corridor again everything went really fast. From the Room beside me an all too familiar scream was heard and then Wremch and some other Medics came rushing in. Ashley who was accompanied outside against her own will just broke down criyng and the Door was closed and controlled by Krupp again. I got over to my Friend hugging her tight and rocking her back and forth in an attempt to calm her down a little. It took a while for her to be able to tell me what happened and because of all the sobbing I only understood half of it, but fortunately Wrench came back out just in that moment. Unfortunately for us the look on her Face was anything but one of relief. When Ashley finally noticed their Presence to she looked up to them with a pleading look, but the Medic just shook their Head and Ash stormed out of the Building.  
„Sorry.“, I mouthed before running after the crying Smoking car.

She was fast so it actually took me a while to find her at Buffys Place. Bufffys threshold to be specific. The buffet car seemed to be somewhere else, cause as I rang no one oppened. So I took the brunette back to my place, sat her down on the couch made new Tea, placed the ashtray infront of her and gave her her Time to let everything out. By the Time the Sun set Ashley was sleeping on the Couch so I went to the phone ordering Buffy over. The Blonde Car knew Ashley longer than any of us so she deserved to know what happened and also I could use some help. Sooner than I thought Buffy stood in my Depot and looked down at the still sleeping smoking car while I told her everything.  
„The poor thing...“, was her first reaction, then she proceeded to call Wrench calling in sick for the following Week.

The next Day we took turns sitting at Ashleys side, stroking her back while she layed there, eventually starting to cry just to stop again, but most of the Time she was sleeping. The third Day when Espresso was supposed to be released from the Hospital, she stood up again for the first time.  
And she seemed like nothing had happened. She even woke me up with Breakfast, but I knew something was extremely wrong. The smoking car didn´t even let me finish eating before she revealed what it was.  
„So what do you think, should we pick Espresso up at the Hospital or should we throw him a belcome back party over at my Depot.“  
„Um Ash?“  
„I was thinking about picking him up and bringing him some Flowers. He loves Flowers. He´ll be happy to see us again. And then he can live here with me....“  
„ASH!!!“, I had to yell to get her attention. „We both know he´s not coming back. You were there when Wrench told us.“  
„But.... But...“  
„I´m sorry dear but Espresso is dead.“  
That was when she broke down crying again, but I was there for her.


	5. saying good bye

Dinah´s P.o.V.

Four days passed until Espressos funeral and Ashleys first visit to the outside. She looked worse than ever, her skin was nearly white and the dark circles under her eyes were as black as the Night. It broke my heart to see her like this. She only spoke to greet me, Buffy and Bobo, who turned around and came back immediately after Buffy told him the bad news. She didn´t even cry through out the ceremony. She jujst sat there staring into the void.  
After everything was over I brought her back to her Depot again, when she tried to open the door with trembling hands someone rolled up behind us. Neither of us noticed CB until he cleared his throat. He seemed unsure, a little scared maybe, his shoulders were hangin low and in his eyes that found the ground to be really interresting I saw regret. Just a little bit, but it was there. Ashley, who took a little longer to turn around, looked at him emotionless.

„I think we need to talk...“  
„Go away Caboose. I don´t want to see you ever again.“  
„Please Ash.“  
„What´s so hard to understand about no?“  
„Ashley I am really sorry but.... This is important.“  
„Why should I listen to whatever you are saying?“  
„Because this time it´ll be the last time you have to isten to me.“  
„CB what...“, now I just had to say something.  
„It´s okay Dinah.“, said Ashley. „I got this. You can go home. Greaseball is probably waiting for you.“  
Defeatedly I made my way home, scared of what would happen after I left.

3rd person p.o.v.

After the smoking car led the brake van inside they sat down and silence settled again.  
„So? What did you want to tell me, that is sooo important.“  
„You know what.... This is stupid. I´m sorry for everything. I just wanted to tell you that you and the others get what they want now. When I´m out that door I´ll drive away as far as possible and never come back. I can´t spend another day watching Dinah and Greaseball. Also you and Eelctra already want me dead and the rest hates me with a burning passion, so yeah... why should I stay?“

That made the brunette a little speechless. She never thought the red Caboose was able to think like that or even feel feelings other than hate and insanity.  
By the Time she was able speak again he had already stood up, making his way to the Door.  
„But what about Dinah? She deserves an expanation. After all she cared more for you than you deserved.“  
He turned his face around just enough to see Ashley in the Corner of his eyes.  
„She´ll be okay. She has Greaseball and you and Buffy.“  
„But still you wanna go away withou even saying good bye to her?“  
„Yes. Because it´s better that way and because I aready said good bye once. That should be enough.“  
Ashley opened her mouth to talk back again, but Cb just started to walk towards the door again.  
„Good bye, Ashley. It was nice to meet you.“  
„You can´t just leave now! What am I supposed to tell the others?“  
„I´m sure you´ll think of something.“

With that he was gone and silence settled once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it huh? Boy I feel so good that this is finished. Next up will be a revised version of me, mysef and I and aybe some more Chicago crossovers. Maybe when that iss finished there´ll be a sequell to this baby darling of mine, cause I sti got some ideas left.


End file.
